Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
