just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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