I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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