Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
