why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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