please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
