So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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