I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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