her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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