Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
