Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
