after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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