i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize