He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
