If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
