Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
