Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I AM VODKA MAN
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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