Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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