you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
