I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
