so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
