i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
