Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
