Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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