i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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