We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
