I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
