My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize