The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
