Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
