just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
