I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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