New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
