you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
