quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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