You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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