I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
