shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
