what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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