I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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