Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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