Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
