I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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