Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
