Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
