Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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