If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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