hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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