i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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