I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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