There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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