walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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