If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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