So drunk, too bad you don't want this
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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