I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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