i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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