u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
