My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
