i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
