Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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