if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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