Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He passed out mid-signature
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
