yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
