I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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