Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
