im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
