Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
