There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
