Cold hands, warm shart.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
