Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
