Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
