Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
