i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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