Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
