i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
