I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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