one might say we're banned from that church
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
