someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
