Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
third nipple confirmed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
