alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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