Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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