The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
