I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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