I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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