ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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