Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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