How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
