Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
