just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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