Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
